Over the last couple of years, I have been on a becoming journey. Becoming better, becoming freer, becoming a creator, becoming someone, becoming something. And in all that time, I am still focusing so much on the becoming. What I am becoming, I cannot tell at this point. I fell for the trend. The cute aesthetics that symbolise a ‘becomed’ woman. I know that’s not a real word, but it sounds better than an aesthetically pleasing, body snatched baddie. With a six figure business, who travels the world on a whim at any minor inconvenience. Needs no man but has a secret fiancé. Has a great community with other baddies. Might sell you a course to do the same for yourself by clicking the link in bio.

The thing I have realised is that I don’t need to become anything. There is no need to be constantly shaping myself into an image the world demands of me. I am all I need to be. Here comes the woo-woo stuff… brace yourself.

Becoming implies I am incomplete in some way, and I need to do, be or have all these other things to ‘become’. Becoming requires doing and chasing something we place on a pedestal. This IDEAL version of ourselves somewhere out there. I am not saying that version doesn’t exist; I believe they do. The question becomes, where are they? And who are they?

I am very fascinated by the way the world; universe, works. How do all these work? I grew up a curious child. Always asking questions. At some point, I almost stopped asking questions. Society tries to stop this early on. Otherwise, capitalism wouldn’t work as well as it does.

This reminds me of why I left the church. I went to church every Sunday. Being the curious child I was, I read the Bible front to back. Noticing some things were problematic, contradictory, and downright insane, I started asking questions. That’s when I found out that, apparently, that’s none of our business, and it’s just the way of the Lord. We do not question God. I don’t know who’s gonna tell them… but it’s not going to be me. I learnt pretty fast. The church doesn’t like questions, but I do. That’s how that relationship ended.

Religion is a whole other monster, and I know I don’t have the capacity for that conversation at this point.

At 21 years old, I discovered a documentary that suggested the known universe was less than 5% of what is out there. That blew my mind. Picture that. This entire planet. All the other planets. The Milky Way, the stars, the moons, the sun, the ocean, all the oceans, forests, animals, us and all, don’t even make up 5%. I started watching superhero films, and bam! The concept of the multiverse. I can only imagine what else is out there.

Scientists are so cool for the cutesy research. I am here for it. These kinda cool guys have been playing around with some interesting concepts. It seems some people already have the blueprint. They don’t want the rest of us to get our hands on it. The idea of how time works in particular excites me. I’m sure you’ve heard people talking about timelines, quantum shifting, and neural plasticity. That we are not moving through time, but it might be the other way round.

The idea that all that has ever been and all that will ever be is here and now. The present is all that exists. I have been experimenting with this by paying attention to houses. Yes, I am fascinated by architecture. I look at buildings and think of how heavy they might be. Then I remember the ‘nothing new under the sun’ rhetoric, and I come to my own conclusion. The Earth can’t add weight. It may sound stupid when I say it that way, but think about it. Everything used to build a house was already on Earth before the house existed.

Energy can neither be created nor destroyed. It just changes form. So, when that’s what’s going on in your brain, it gets you thinking even more about these concepts and how they play out.

This is the only moment that will ever exist. Yes, this moment as I write this piece, as you read it and as you hear it. All of it is one moment despite the ‘time difference’. How cool is that?

The other thing that I love is the idea that things only exist when we perceive them. That our perception causes matter to solidify. Please don’t quote me. This is my understanding of this information. This fascinates me. I wonder what it would mean for us if proven to be true.

Playing around with all these ideas, becoming then becomes a perception thing. A time thing, if you catch my drift. Because if time doesn’t exist, then all versions of me already exist NOW. Have always existed and will always exist. Then that means I have always been my ideal version, but I have not perceived myself that way yet. So, doesn’t that mean my perception of them being out there might mean I will never be them? That I will keep chasing and chasing because I don’t see myself as them. Keeping myself in a perpetual perception loop of becoming?

This takes me to the identity conversation. If my identity is the ‘babe on her becoming journey’, I will never arrive. Never become.

This is one of those clichés we take for granted. The physicists, spiritual gurus, witch girlies, philosophers, mystics, and consciousness researchers must be on to something, to all agree on this one thing. I AM ENOUGH. I mean, that’s a lot of sources for it to be wrong. Right?

Enough of what? I have no clue. But you cannot deny that all this sounds interesting as hell.

So, what if there’s a way to stop chasing the becoming and start being that ideal version of me?

But then again, ideal according to?

The thought of that might be as freeing, and as daunting, in equal measure. We are addicted to the chase. It’s what keeps us going. I have had moments where I have known exactly what I needed to do to achieve or have something, and I have sabotaged myself in one way or another.

I wouldn’t put it past me to keep chasing the becoming.