I saw this video about a photographer. He took pictures of a street in New York at the same time every day for nearly ten years. He noticed something fascinating, and if I am being honest, a little unsettling. Certain faces kept reappearing throughout the years. When I looked at those images, some almost a decade apart, I was shocked. The recurring subjects displayed the same facial expressions and crossed this particular junction at the same time daily. Others carried the same coffee cups, and what truly stood out to me was that some wore the same outfits.

This stopped me in my tracks.

It reminded me of that Jim Rohn quote, ‘If you want to know what the next five years will look like, look at the last five.’ When I looked back at my own last five years, I knew I definitely don’t want none of that shit coming back around. Those are not the experiences I would like to relive.

This pointed out a very simple principle to me: if you continue to do the same things, you will continue to get the same results. I decided it was time to think different– apparently, there was once a whole ad campaign around this slogan back in the day. If you keep thinking the same, you will keep doing the same, and you will keep receiving the same.

What I love about this idea is that it puts the power back in my hands. I just have to think different.

Simple, right?

Except, it isn’t.

I have found myself in this very disposition before. Starting afresh, feeling inspired, and then somehow sliding back into old patterns. I now understand why. My old thoughts stay. They have been around longer, and they know how to survive. To maintain the balance. At one point, I thought it may have been a test from the powers that be, but no. I didn’t have enough conviction for the things I desired. At least not as much as I had for the things that conditioned me.

The thing is, my old thoughts didn’t take one day, one week, or one month to become cemented in. So, of course, one day would not make that one massive shift I was looking for. I also didn’t have the right tools. I had no idea when or how the old patterns would pop back up, because I had not taken enough time to figure out what they were.

It’s like trying to weed a garden when you don’t know what’s a weed and what’s a seedling. You end up pulling out everything, or worse, nurturing what you meant to remove.

Awareness, we throw that word around a lot. My understanding was that it meant knowing. Mostly, what was wrong with everything. Now I have come to realise it is more about being present. Seeing, noticing intentionally and consciously.

That’s what this space is about. Practising more awareness. Focusing on my desires instead of being on autopilot in the direction of my conditioning.

By revisiting my most painful and beautiful memories, I am becoming more aware of what my specific brand of conditioning looks like, away from the general societal kind.

That’s my starting point for this unlearning journey.

I hope the stories here remind you of who you are, your courage, and that you are not alone.

~Love, Em.